"Not Like Other Boys"

An Empathetic Portrayal of the Autogynephilic Experience

This will be a bit different from my other articles on trans issues, as this article is primarily targeted at fellow trans people. This article will be an attempt to portray the concept of autogynephilia in a way that is more relatable to (primarily young) transwomen.

As I have previously explained, the majority of transwomen are autogynephilic. However, this assertion is met with much hostility from the trans community. I don’t expect this post to reach many, but I do expect it to perhaps educate some young trans people who are fence-sitters on this issue. The autogynephilic profile is often portrayed in a caricatured way that’s not going to be relatable to most young people experiencing it. In many ways this is purposeful, since these caricatures are commonly spread by AGP transwomen in denial.

Dysphoria

The most important subject to start with is the concept of autoandrophobia. One of the most common objections to AGP is “I don’t have a fetish, I have dysphoria!”. Its significant that I’m acting on Anne Lawrence’s formulation in which AGP is more than just fetishistic arousal and encompasses more broad-reaching powerful desire (Lawrence, 2007), however I feel that is not enough to defend my position. Many still hold the position, even when shown this conceptualization, that this does not accurately portray how their dysphoria feels. The concept of autoandrophobia has been touched upon in my previous writing, but I will also summarize it here. Essentially, the individual seems to experience a disgust response for the non-preferred attraction target. When AGPs view their own body and it is male, this results in a mental revulsion. It truly does feel like psychological torment and being profoundly violated. This is why we feel trapped in the wrong body.

Experiences

The rationale for providing examples of experiences that are autogynephilic is in an attempt to convey relatability. I feel it may be easier for individuals to identify with this framework if it is described in a way that reflects their own experiences. What follows is my personal experience, the experience of a young individual with autogynephilic gender dysphoria. I do not claim my experience is fully representative, especially not my precise sexuality which seems to be a minority in the trans community, but I do feel I am mostly representative of the profile of the young autogynephile. Readers may be able to identify with some or most of my experiences. Some details are kept vague for privacy’s sake. Here is my story:

I was born in 2003, in a small town in the rural Midwest of the United States. I grew up a shy and odd child, constantly fixated on unusual interests. I was suspected to have Asperger’s syndrome by my kindergarten teacher, but my mom never took me for a diagnosis back then as she did not believe I did. As a child, most my friends were other boys, although I did not enjoy team sports or other rough physical activities. I was the stereotypical “gifted” nerd boy. I loved astronomy especially. I owned telescopes, model solar systems, took space camps each summer. Science was always my top class. I have also been artsy since childhood. I also loved cars and trains as a young boy. I’ve always drawn pictures, and today am skilled at anime art. My issues with my gender began to crystallize in late childhood. I cannot recall the exact age, perhaps around seven or eight, I began to develop a fascination with cross-dressing and gender transformations portrayed on TV. Around this age, I began to cross-dress. I would specifically ask my mom to wear the one business skirt she owned and I would dance around on her bed. My brother, younger than me by 4 years, cross-dressed in the same manner as well. Dad was not allowed to know about this activity. My father passed away when I was eight, and never learned of any of my cross-gender proclivities, which were mild at the time.

As I passed into puberty, I began to cross-dress more and more often. I was not good at hiding my behavior, and my mom figured it out on most occasions. I would make poor excuses, like that her nightgown was just extremely comfortable. She didn’t buy it obviously, but would largely ignore the topic, I assume she just hoped it would go away. She asked me if I was gay, if I had ever had a crush on a male friend, to which I told her no. This was the truth, I had never felt attraction to guys and still have not ever genuinely. I always had crushes on girls. I had a crush on a girl my age at the time. In a lot of respects, I wonder if I idealized her as an alternate version of me. She was quite similar. Intellectual, wore glasses, had straight blonde hair. I was good friends with her, but I never did confess. I think I was about 13 when my grandma asked me if I wanted to be a girl. At the time, I denied it. I’m not sure whether I consciously felt I wanted to be a girl by then, but whether I did or not, I wanted to avoid saying it. I was afraid of the consequences, afraid of uprooting my life, afraid of how my family would respond if I told them.

As a young teen, I made an excuse to start wearing a slightly longer haircut. For one Halloween I dressed up as Frisk from Undertale, I was obsessed with the game at the time (my little brother dressed up as Sans). Also around this time, my peer group began to shift to mostly girls. My old male friends were embarrassed to be around me, I think many people thought I was gay. Most of my friends in high school were socially awkward girls who were into the same Tumblr-adjacent fandoms I was into. One of my closest friends was lesbian, the other was a straight girl who was diagnosed with Asperger’s as a young kid. They were some of the first people I told about my desire to live as a woman. I also confessed it to my brother. At the time, he also confided in me a desire to live as a girl, and told me the female name he would use. He later desisted from trans-identification. I don’t know if he ever told our mom about gender issues, but he apparently did tell her he thought he was bisexual around this time.

By my mid-teens I was obsessively cross-dressing, portraying myself as a girl online, and loathing my male body. The first signs of body loathing were with the growth of facial and body hair, which I always immediately tried to remove. My mom noticed how distressed I was by facial hair since I was 14. As for my sexuality, I rarely sexually fantasized and had never masturbated. Cross-dressing produced physical arousal, which I disliked and never acted upon. I did have a compulsion to read stories about gender transformations, however, ended up finding most unappealing. Gender transformation stories almost universally ended in the “new woman” having sex with men or getting a boyfriend. I found the thought disgusting, even in fantasy. I wished to be transformed into a woman and date women. I admired women, I wanted to be one and I wanted to be with one. I began to get into lesbian fiction, mostly Japanese girls’ love anime. I felt myself to be a lesbian trapped in a boy’s body. I had a crush on a bisexual girl who was a year younger than me. I fantasized of being with her, getting a sex change, and staying together as a lesbian couple. I confessed to her, but she did not reciprocate. I became an atheist at the age of 14. I was the stereotypical Rick and Morty fan teenage boy (albeit harboring a desire to be a girl) at this point. My commitment to science and truth will be a running theme in the evolution of my own self-concept. My atheism caused a fight with my family.

15 was when I told my mom of my feelings honestly. I told her that I’d been feeling for some years that I wanted to be a girl and wanted to undergo a gender transition. I also said I had only ever been attracted to women. She said “you know if you change your gender but are attracted to women that’d make you a lesbian right?”. I said yes, and that’s what I wanted. She was distressed and reluctant to support such a decision at the time. She thought I hated men, or was afraid of men due to trauma with my father. She also discovered that I was posting pictures of myself dressed as a girl online. She revoked all my internet access for a couple years. She tried to get me into therapy, but every therapist was either instantly affirmative of transitioning or was a religious conversion type (something she has never believed in nor supported). She thought my trans desires were being encouraged by the internet. Knowing what I know now, I don’t fault her for thinking this, but it wasn’t true. None of the spaces I used online were trans-centric. I knew some trans people, but most were non binary identifying girls. I never interacted with the trans woman community until my late teens, after regaining internet access. Without the internet, the desire followed me. I never stopped obsessively shaving my facial and body hair. She never could get me to stop shaving my legs. I never stopped wanting to be a girl.

I got internet access back around the start of covid lockdown. At this time I began growing my hair long. Since I wouldn’t be seen in public, and getting to a haircut was difficult, my mom allowed it. I was lonely and began to try and find love online. I was attracted to women, and mostly men showed interest in me. My first e-dating experience was with another male teenager desiring gender transition, who was several years younger than me. S/he identified as a trans girl at the time, but later identified as a “femboy” which sparked me to lose interest in pursuing her/him. S/he roped me into a three-way relationship with a male IRL friend of mine who was obsessed with me, and slowly groomed me into sending him nudes. He constantly asked me for more, I said no, I said I like girls. When I got out of that situation, I began to e-date a bisexual woman who was several years older than me. She played the dominant role in our relationship and treated me as a girl, which was what I wanted. I suspect she was autoandrophilic. We never met in person, though.

I first masturbated when I was 18, using a vibrator wand. I am still only able to masturbate this way, for reasons I’m unaware of, possibly a psychological effect of dysphoria itself. Around this time, my mom took me to a specialist and I was officially diagnosed with autism. She regrets her reluctance to admit to my Asperger’s traits in my youth. She also said she would try to take me to a gender doctor, but it would take time. Around this time, I began to venture into trans women communities. I was extremely dysphoric, and very soon began to be distressed by how many of them seemed to like having penises. It gave me by-proxy secondhand dysphoria. It grossed me out. This led me to beginning to get into transmedicalist communities. There was a lot of behavior in the trans community, such as nasty behavior towards women, that I just couldn’t sit by and be ok with. I also could not believe in the claims trans culture was making. I began to read older literature, and began to see myself in the term transsexual. I desperately wanted to be biologically a female. Around this time, my obsessive dysphoria led to me developing fantasies of having sex with men. I began to feel that I was attracted to men, not understanding autogynephilic pseudobisexuality at the time. Interaction with radical feminist culture online made me become ashamed of my desire to be a lesbian and interest in lesbian relationships, and so the interest in men began to come center stage. Being told I was a predator against women filled me with distress and disgust for myself. I wanted nothing more than to be accepted as a woman, I never wanted to cause anyone harm, especially not women. I had always admired women intensely. Around this time my online relationship broke off, due to the growing interest in men. At the same time, I began to order hormones off of the internet, as my dysphoria was becoming so severe I couldn’t handle it. As soon as I began to grow chest hair, I felt it was now or never.

Soon before my 19th birthday, I ordered cyproterone acetate and estradiol from the homebrew HRT dispenser Spiffy, who was an active member of the MtF trans community at the time but is now inactive. I used a gift card I had at the time to pay Spiffy. I took my first HRT nine days after turning 19. My mom began to notice I was growing breasts, and found out what I had done. She was furious and disposed of my pills. She felt I could’ve given myself liver cancer or something. Although, since I had done something like this, she did resolve to take me to a gender doctor faster. Around this time my brother came out as gay to me and my mom. He’s also nerdy, always went to space camps with me, and is into “femboy” stuff. I strongly suspect he is autogynephilic as well, although I do not want to broach the uncomfortable subject. I resolve that I will not, unless his gender dysphoria later relapses, in which case I will consider it necessary. Soon after his coming out, we moved up north a little. I had begun to paint my nails more often during the pandemic, and at this time began to dress feminine more often. Around this time, I began to e-date a guy I had met on a dating app. Around this time I had become aware of autogynephilia, and accepted myself as autogynephilic. I began to realize my interest in men was entirely pseudo-bisexuality, and being love talked to by a male voice actually made me feel icky inside. The dysphoria of being on testosterone got too severe, and I once again purchased DIY HRT (with an online trans friend’s help this time). I got bicalutamide and estradiol from Otokonoko Pharmaceuticals. I couldn’t keep my relationship going, due to the attraction not being real, and broke up with my online boyfriend.

It was Anne Lawrence’s “Becoming What We Love” that convinced me that I am autogynephilic. Prior to reading this article, I had only ever seen autogynephilia depicted as or described as a terrible misogynistic fetish, which I felt couldn’t possibly describe me. Accepting that I have basically no natural femininity and am in essence a heterosexual male with a paraphilia caused me a ton of distress, but I came to a point of acceptance. I have a strong commitment to science, and cannot allow myself to believe in things just because they are happy thoughts. I could not force myself to believe in the claims other trans people were making, and simply needed to know the truth.

It was around this time that I began having my first real-world relationship, with another transwoman who was a couple years older than me. I did bring up AGP in the relationship, but she acted uncomfortable with the concept and I never mentioned it again. I got my first appointment with a gender doctor around this time. My mom did find out that I had ordered HRT online again, but only after I had already seen my new doctor and been given my official prescription. I started an official prescription of spironolactone and estradiol. I started laser hair removal on my face and body soon after. I lost my virginity in early 2024. The experience was a disappointingly unpleasant one, as I found that interacting with male genitals repulsed me. I felt I wasn’t really attracted to my partner, she looked too masculine, as much as I cared about her as a friend. I made the gut-wrenching decision to end the relationship. Around the time, I felt deeply in love with another young transwoman in the online sexology communities. One who wants to look biologically female and have genital surgery as desperately as I do. She was the one who decided long distance wouldn’t work for her. I still love her, I still think she’s so beautiful. I know you’ll be reading this, baby doll, so let me just say I wish you the best.

I’m now 21 years old. I present in a feminine manner, but continue to use the men’s restroom in public as my physical appearance is still identifiably male. My legal name and gender have not been changed, but I use my trans name as a preferred name, and my trans name goes on the dean’s list whenever I make high grades in my college classes. My mom is aware of my opinions on trans issues and my understanding of myself as autogynephilic. At the time of writing this, I’ve been hitting it off with a girl who lives about two hours from where I live. We’ve been being romantic and this relationship seems promising. If we end up together, it would be my first (biologically speaking) heterosexual experience, but I doubt I’d be able to bring myself to play the heterosexual sex role, I hate having a penis and do not want it interacted with.

I still hope to have SRS as soon as I possibly can. I’m 5 foot 4, petite built, and have the potential to pass as a woman with some cosmetic surgery. Living this way brings me some frustration, but if I medically detransitioned the masculinization would distress me too much. My autoandrophobia, my sexual aversion to the male body, is extremely strong and persistent. It has never shown any signs of lessening in severity. Handling relationships will be difficult because I’m disgusted by the idea of having heterosexual sex, but am too disgusted by male features to be with another male. I would date another transwoman if she passed very well and also wanted SRS, I truly was deeply in love with one. Hopefully, living as a woman and having SRS will allow me to pursue the people I’m actually attracted to (women) without it making me feel dysphoric and gross. My commitment to sexology and belief in the true etiology of gender dysphoria, rather than believing in whatever is affirmative to a cross-gender identity, is born from a commitment to the scientific truth. I hope I can convince others to feel the same.

My struggles with sexuality are reflected in some of Anne Lawrence’s writing:

“If Freud was correct that men’s respect for women is antierotic, perhaps the almost worshipful idealization that some autogynephilic men feel toward women can act as an impediment to their engaging in sexual intercourse with female partners.

In a review article on autogynephilia (Lawrence, 2007 ) , I observed that nonhomosexual MtF transsexuals commonly reported that their attraction to women “was not expressed with typical masculine confidence” (p. 514). One can imagine several possible reasons for this, in addition to feelings of extraordinary admiration and respect for women: for example, uncertainty about gender identity or sexual orientation, or simply a paucity of other-directed sexual interest in the case of analloerotic or near-analloerotic autogynephilic transsexuals.” (Lawrence, 2013)

The portrait of a young male with autogynephilia

The profile of a sensitive young man with autogynephilia has been given little attention, unless to portray it as something other than autogynephilia. Portrayals of autogynephilia are often limited to individuals who are middle aged, hypermasculine, and clearly fetishistic. Perhaps this description will speak to young transwomen more personally:

“Another implication of the potential independence of erotic desire and attachment as components of erotic-romantic orientations is that these two components may differ significantly in relative strength. It seems plausible that some nonhomosexual MtF transsexuals may experience relatively little erotic desire but may nevertheless experience substantial feelings of attachment to and affection for their idealized images of themselves as female. This would be consistent with the reports by some putatively autogynephilic MtF transsexuals that erotic desire was only a minor aspect of their wish to be female. It is not uncommon for nonhomosexual MtF transsexuals to report having a low sex drive, losing their virginity late in life, having been sought out by female partners rather than seeking them out, and experiencing little sexual excitement with cross-dressing after a few years’ time. Nonhomosexual MtF transsexuals with histories like these appear to resemble the “asexual” MtF transsexuals who were extensively studied by some early theorists (Bentler 1974; Person and Ovesey 1974) but who have received less attention recently. Reports by these transsexuals that their desire to be female lacks a strong erotic component do not necessarily indicate that they do not have an underlying autogynephilic erotic-romantic orientation, nor do they indicate that they are deceiving themselves or trying to deceive others.

I further hypothesize that, when nonhomosexual MtF transsexuals describe themselves as having been unmasculine or “not like other boys,” they often may be referring to an unwillingness or inability to seek out female sexual partners with an avidity comparable to their peers, rather than to the presence of femaletypical interests or behaviors.The nonhomosexual MtF transsexuals I have interviewed rarely describe themselves as having had female-typical interests and behaviors in childhood, but many describe themselves as having been “unmasculine,” in ways that go beyond their commonly reported disinterest in team sports. Many recall having had little erotic interest generally or little interest in interpersonal sexuality specifically, in comparison to their male peers. Many never dated during adolescence unless invited by girls. Clearly these boys had not been unattracted to girls, but their attraction was often more idealizing and affectionate than overtly erotic and was not expressed with typical masculine confidence. Admittedly, this is a complicated issue: a significant number of nonhomosexual MtF transsexuals appear to have comparatively little interest in other people generally, but substantial interest in “things,” especially computers and other machines (Laub and Fisk 1974). In my experience, the tendency of some MtF transsexuals to prefer things over people sometimes involves deficits in empathy and interpersonal skills similar to those seen in Asperger’s disorder; this may partly explain the limited interpersonal sexual expression or interest of some nonhomosexual MtF transsexuals (Galluci, Hackerman, and Schmidt 2005). Nevertheless, it seems plausible that some nonhomosexual MtF transsexuals who report that they were unmasculine in childhood and adolescence can accurately be thought of as persons who want to become what they love, but whose love for women is more affectionate than erotic.” (Lawrence, 2007)

For young transwomen who haven’t yet seen yourself in the concept of autogynephilia, perhaps the description of “primary” (asexual) transsexuals (analloerotic autogynephiles in Blanchard’s typology) will strike a chord with you:

“All ten of our primary transsexuals were socially withdrawn and spent most of their time after school by themselves at home. They read, watched television, occupied themselves with hobbies, or just sat, stewing in anxiety and depression. In effect, they were childhood loners with few age-mate companions of either sex, an observation also made by Pomeroy (21). As children, our patients were envious of girls and fantasized being girls, but none actually believed that he was a girl. To summarize, then, in his child- hood, the primary transsexual is not effeminate, but he feels either abhorrence or discomfort in boyish activities. This dichotomy creates a feeling of difference and estrangement from other children, both boys and girls. The end result is a chronic sense of isolation, the inner experience of every primary transsexual in our series.”

“In our sample, as he advances through childhood, the primary transsexual becomes increasingly aware of the difference between himself and other boys. This difference is sharply defined in adolescence, when most boys become sexually aware of girls and homosexual boys become sexually aware of other boys. The primary transsexual, however, does neither; instead, he is essentially asexual and shows little sexual interest in either sex. Most often, he has no sexual experience other than masturbation and even the masturbation is infrequent. Seven of our ten subjects masturbated less frequently than once a month. Masturbation was usually performed in a mechanistic, dissociated way, either with no fantasy at all, or with a vague heterosexual fantasy in which the patient saw himself as a woman. The fantasies were impersonal, and the partner was usually a stylized man rather than a real person. The pleasure yield was minimal, at times almost to the point of anhedonia.”

“A major component of this asexuality in all of our primary transsexuals was a specific self-loathing of male physical characteristics. The loathing typically began in late adolescence and was a progressive phenomenon. It encompassed not only the genitalia, but all other aspects of maleness as well, such as fat distribution, musculature, hair distribution, absence of breasts, and so forth. The penis, of course, is the most significant of all the male insignia. The willingness, or rather eagerness, to part with the penis is the sine qua non of primary transsexualism.” (Person & Ovesey, 1974)

Here is Blanchard’s commentary on Person & Ovesey’s typology:

“Person and Ovesey (1974a) reported that asexual transsexuals-like transvestitic transsexuals and unlike homosexual transsexuals-are not effeminate in childhood. Another of Person and Ovesey's (1974a) observations also reveals at least superficial similarity in the developmental course of asexual and transvestitic transsexualism. They found that asexual transsexuals often make "one last effort" in postadolescence to be men. This effort usually involves stereotypically masculine activities such as volunteering for military service or going out for football. Money and Gaskin (1970-1971) made the same observation about transvestitic transsexuals.

Asexual transsexualism shares another observable characteristic with transvestitic gender dysphoria. Person and Ovesey (1974b) found that “interpersonal sexuality is almost always attenuated" (p. 186) in transvestites; this trait, of course, is one of the defining characteristics of the asexual group.” (Blanchard, 1989)

Claims of being exclusively attracted to men

Most young transwomen who claim to be exclusively attracted to men actually fit Person & Ovesey’s vignette of an asexual transsexual. I reiterate:

“In our sample, as he advances through childhood, the primary transsexual becomes increasingly aware of the difference between himself and other boys. This difference is sharply defined in adolescence, when most boys become sexually aware of girls and homosexual boys become sexually aware of other boys. The primary transsexual, however, does neither; instead, he is essentially asexual and shows little sexual interest in either sex. Most often, he has no sexual experience other than masturbation and even the masturbation is infrequent. Seven of our ten subjects masturbated less frequently than once a month. Masturbation was usually performed in a mechanistic, dissociated way, either with no fantasy at all, or with a vague heterosexual fantasy in which the patient saw himself as a woman. The fantasies were impersonal, and the partner was usually a stylized man rather than a real person. The pleasure yield was minimal, at times almost to the point of anhedonia.” [emphasis mine] (Person & Ovesey, 1974)

Evidence for similar disposition among later transitioners

Many attempt to argue that they are a “third type” of transsexual, namely due to the lack of successful masculinity or history of marriage to women. I feel that a good counterargument to this is that late transitioners who have been married to women also sometimes report this feeling of isolation from masculinity. Here is a couple of representative narratives:

Jones (2009), a MtF transsexual who’s history is consistent with nonhomosexual transsexualism, she was explicitly attracted to women, married twice, fathered a child, and transitioned at a late age (55). In her narrative published on her website, she explicitly describes a confusion between attraction to women and desire to be a woman. This can be interpreted as a recounting of autogynephilic sexual orientation:

“Some of my early memories come from about the age of 4 or 5. By then I knew I wanted to be a girl. Maybe I was born with a kind of gender inversion-- some call it a birth defect. I know nothing of these things. I do know that my identification has always been with females-- in books, movies, art and life. My best friends have always been female and I have always been exclusively physically attracted to females. So, along comes puberty. Whoa! We were all confused, I know, but within that maelstrom was my desire for, and the desire to be, a girl.”

Jones was a comic artist and painter.

Phillips (1993), another nonhomosexual MtF transsexual-she was unambiguously sexually attracted to women and fathered children, and continued to date women following gender transition-provides an extremely explicit description of autogynephilic sexual desire in her online autobiography:

“I was non-agressive [sic] in school, both in sports and dating, and excelled at neither. My only erotic interests were not in what I could do to or with a woman, but what it would be like to be one.”

Phillips also goes on to describe dynamic competition between autogynephilia and heterosexuality:

“I married as a virgin in 1976, and the longings to be female vanished more than they were there. But, gradually, as I progressed through adult life, the waves became stronger and more frequent.”

Phillips develops software packages for fiction writers. She was one of the earliest transwomen to run web resources for transition advice.

The overrepresentation of nerdy interests in autogynephiles is extremely striking. This was noted by Blanchard:

Technological and scientific careers seem to me to be over-represented among autogynephiles. (Ray Blanchard remarked to me that he saw a seemingly close relation between autogynephilia and computer nerdiness.) (Bailey, 2003)

Several prominent video game designers transitioned in the 1990s.

Berry (1995), a nonhomosexual MtF transsexual who was married to women three times and had three children (but displayed androphilic interest after transition in 1992, at the age of 43) describes a transvestic history in her letters warning of potential transition regrets. She directly ties her gender issues to sexuality, as well as explicitly describing how autogynephilic arousal was lessened by hormone replacement therapy:

“I'm now concerned that much of what I took as a gender dysfunction might have been nothing more than a neurotic sexual obsession. I was a cross-dresser for all of my sexual life and had always fantasized going fem as an ultimate turn-on. Ironically, when I began hormone treatment my libido went away. However, I mistook that relief from sexual obsession for validation of my gender change.”

Berry was a prominent Atari game designer, who is known mostly for the game M.U.L.E., and is credited as an inspiration for Spore and Pikmin, and the original release of The Sims is dedicated to her.

The list of observably nonhomosexual transwoman video game designers is immense:

“What a surprise it was at the Computer Game Developer's conference six or seven years ago. Dan Bunten, fabled designer of M.U.L.E. and Global Conquest and other classics, was nowhere to be found. Coincidentally, an over six foot tall woman going by the name of Danielle Berry and bearing a vague resemblance to Dan was roaming the conference floor. At the time it was a shock, but everyone knows the story now: Dan had a sex change.

Okay, well, that's no big deal. If something happens once, it's a fluke.

Then there was the designer of the great 8-bit classic, Shamus, William Mataga. He recently wrapped-up work on a Color Game Boy version of that game and is looking for a publisher. Only he now goes by Cathryn.

If something happens twice, it's coincidence.

Then there's Jennifer Reitz, who's done game work for a number of companies, including Interplay. Yup, you guessed it, she didn't start life with a name quite so feminine as Jennifer. She now runs a site about transgender issues.

And video game geezers may remember a popular coin-op from -- good grief -- nineteen years ago: Gorf. Gorf's designer, Jay Fenton, later went on to create the hugely influential Macromedia Director, something used to create the majority of multimedia products over the years. Sometimes Jay is still Jay. Other times he's Jamie Faye.

If something happens four times, it's starting to be a bit peculiar. And this little tally doesn't stop at four, or even in the single digits. The names aren't important, but the numbers are telling.

If nothing else, the high occurrence of male to female sex changes within the profession of game designer is an interesting anomaly. Jamie Faye Fenton, who recommends this web site for more information on the subject of transsexualism, has offered some good thoughts on the subject over the years. A short talk with her shed a lot of light.”

“How many pre or post-op transsexuals do you know of working in game development?

My personal list counts 15. Almost all of these have had surgery. I am one of the few exceptions (although that might change soon!). It's hard to keep track of who is "woodworking" -- that is, so deeply into their female lives that they don't want anyone to know about their past.” (Fenton, 1999)

What does this mean?

This means that the young, sensitive, nerdy transwoman who never fit in with conventional masculinity, is in fact a personality profile consistent with autogynephilia. Hopefully my portraying this group, including emphasizing how our dysphoria feels, can allow some more transwomen to see themselves in the AGP concept. Many such transwomen endorse Blanchard’s typology, but they claim to be a homosexual transsexual, or claim to be a “third type”. Hopefully, my story as well as the external sources I have shown will sway some away from those convictions.

References

Bailey, J. M. (2003). The man who would be queen: The science of gender-bending and transsexualism. Joseph Henry Press.

Berry, D. (1995). Special Note to Those Thinking About a Sex Change. Available at: https://web.archive.org/web/20021107203828/http://www.anticlockwise.com/dani/personal/changes/dont.htm. |Accessed 29 March 2023|

Blanchard, R. (1989). The classification and labeling of nonhomosexual gender dysphorias. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 18(4), 315–334. doi:10.1007/bf01541951

Fenton, J. F. (1999). Game Designers Just Wanna Be Girls. Available at: http://www.jamiefaye.com/newsjamiegamer.html. |Accessed 9 August 2024|

Jones, J. C. (2009). Autobiography. Available at: https://web.archive.org/web/20110908004256/http://www.jeffreyjones-art.com/autobiography.html. |Accessed 4 March 2023|

Lawrence, A. A. (2007). Becoming What We Love: autogynephilic transsexualism conceptualized as an expression of romantic love. Perspectives in Biology and Medicine, 50(4), 506. doi:10.1353/pbm.2007.0050

Lawrence, A. A. (2013). Men trapped in men's bodies: Narratives of autogynephilic transsexualism. Springer.

Person, E., & Ovesey, L. (1974). The Transsexual Syndrome in Males. American Journal of Psychotherapy, 28(1), 4–20. doi:10.1176/appi.psychotherapy

Phillips, M. A. (1993). A Transgender Diary. Available at: http://melanieannephillips.com/journal/diary.htm. |Accessed 4 March 2023|